PREVIOUS:  Parenting with Purpose ~ Introduction  (Read First)
This provides overarching lessons & themes throughout the years

Parenting with Purpose: Taking Flight (ages 16-17)

* Overview:

Parents have finished their role as parents of children. 

They have equipped their young adults with all the knowledge and skills to be a success and instilled in them the morals and character to carry themselves with honor. 

They provide them with a smartphone, a computer, a vehicle, and a college fund to assist them in their adult life and relieve them of this financial burden for hopefully many years. These new adults now take full control and responsibility for their own lives and their own future.  

This final adjustment to an adult-adult relationship can be difficult as the parents want to see their children succeed, and they hurt when they see their children hurt.  However, the best parents can do is rejoice with them in their successes, and listen and encourage them in the difficult times.  Whatever the circumstance, offering a listening ear and unconditional love builds a lifetime bond.

* Parent Role:  “Lifelong Friend”

* When Your “Child” Turns 18: 

Flying-into-adulthood ownership:

Over the past two years, the teenagers were entrusted with several valuable things:  a smartphone, a laptop computer, and a vehicle. 

With each of these came responsibilities – to take care of them and use them wisely.  The teens were to use the smartphone and computer for honorable purposes and were not to let screens dominate their lives.  They were required to keep their vehicle clean, complete all required maintenance, and ensure the vehicle was legally insured and registered.  They needed to use the vehicle for approved purposes and keep a clean driving record without tickets or accidents.  Use of all of these privileges were contingent on responsible and trustworthy behaviors and choices.

As a reward for such diligent and responsible behaviors, at age 18, the vehicle, the smartphone, and the laptop computer that were provided for their use the past few years now get turned over to the young adults as their own possessions. 

If taken care of, these valuable items should last a number of years and save the young adults from these pricey expenses until they are secure in a good job. 

Flying-into-adulthood letter:

Another thing we did when our children turned 18 was wrote a personal letter to them capturing our feelings about them, the principles we tried to impart while raising them, and our hopes for them for the future, to name just a few of the things included in this very personal note.   

This letter provided closure for the parents on their prior parental role and set the stage for the new season in their teens’ lives and their new relationship. 

Flying-into-adulthood gift:

Lastly, as our children left home, we put together a parting gift with many “on-your-own” essentials and a financial gift to help with any unexpected expenses.  They knew we loved them and would always be there for them.

* The Relationship & Expectations:

      • The relationship is adult to adult, and the communication reflects this.  Advice is not given without being requested, and it is never imposed.  Manners, kindness, and respect go both ways.  Both parties extend courtesies to each other.   Parents become their adult children’s steadfast encourager and their ardent ally.
         
      • When the adult children are at the parents’ home (or anyone’s home), the family’s values should be respected and the rules of the house should be followed.  The adult children should keep the room and bathroom they are using neat and clean, and should offer to help out in any way possible.   These things are common courtesy in anyone’s home.

      • Each family will need to determine for itself the expectations regarding adult children living at home.

        If there is no contractual arrangement regarding expectations and obligations, especially as it relates to finances, this adult relationship can get strained. 

        To avoid this, both parties should clearly communicate expectations and obligations, preferably in writing and preferably before the adult child lives at the parents’ home. 

        The parents do their adult children no favors by not treating them like the adults that they are.

* Finances:

    • If the young adults have been trained since childhood how to manage their finances, have read the financial resources provided at age 15-16, and have been mentored through learning financial responsibility, they should be well-prepared to take on full control and management of their finances.  They have already been doing this almost independently for two years.

    • Making mistakes is part of growing up and being an adult ~ it is inevitable that these young adults will make a few with their finances.  Offering a listening ear and helping them problem-solve through difficult situations show them that the parents care.  Parents paying for their financial mistakes or poor choices, however, only robs them of their autonomy.

    • Complete information about training and guiding children in responsible financial management from preschool years into adulthood can be found in the section “Teaching Financial Responsibility.”

Concluding “Parenting with Purpose”

The challenging, exciting, rewarding, and at times frustrating role
of parenting concludes.  

We parents look back at our children now adults
whom we have tried to raise to be
men and women of honor.

We cherish so many memories,
lament our mistakes,
feel overwhelmed by a love greater than we ever thought possible,
and wonder how the years passed so quickly.

Now we let go.

We embrace our new relationship with our adult children
and all the new memories that will be made.
We pray that God protects them,
guides them, and gives them wisdom
in this journey of adulthood. 

And we start the next part of our own journey,
finding Joy in each step of Life’s Journey.