PREVIOUS: Parenting with Purpose ~ Introduction
READ THIS FIRST!!
It provides overarching lessons and themes
throughout the years
and sets the stage for the age-based descriptions.
Overarching Vision:
Character and faith were of the highest importance in raising our sons.
We strove to raise well-disciplined and responsible children
with a strong work ethic and hunger for knowledge
who treated those around them with kindness and respect.
Ongoing Reminders for the Parent:
** LOVE is at the center of all PARENTING **
** Model patience, kindness & respect **
** Keep communication clear and simple **
Implementing the Vision:
* Overview:
These innocent young ones are just starting life.
Everything is new and interesting,
they have no sense of danger, and
their future is a blank slate.
At the beginning of this stage, the parents provide almost all of their care. The little ones can do very little for themselves yet are capable of so much. They need protection, as much from themselves as from the world around them.
The changes during this stage are nothing short of profound.
Not only do these little ones learn to walk and talk, they also learn to make their beds, pick up after themselves, and help take care of the home and pets.
They explore and discover the world through a variety of experiences and many interesting books. They learn to count, say their ABCs, and recognize shapes. Without even knowing it, they learn to add and subtract, put letters together to form words, and divide shapes into fractions (e.g., “half a cookie”). They learn how to play nicely with others, and are taught basic courtesies such as “please” and “thank you.”
(See Raising Scholars: An Overview and Raising Scholars: Foundation and Fun)
These young ones are also developing a sense of themselves as separate human beings with their own thoughts and wants. However, they live in the now and often insist on their desires being fulfilled immediately.
Because they have not developed judgment to keep themselves safe at this age,
teaching obedience is paramount.
They have limited cognitive ability to process the complex “whys” behind many directions (this comes later), so must learn to follow directions of the parents immediately without whining, arguing, or complaining. Establishing this expectation early in life saves many struggles and heartaches as the young children grow older.
* Parent Role: “Caretaker & Protector”
* Behaviors & Discipline: “Obedience”
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- WHAT THEY LEARN:
- Listen when spoken to – make eye contact
- Obey first time without whining, complaining, or arguing
- Social skills – sharing, asking permission, boundaries, using polite words, basic manners (“please,” “thank you”)
- Basic hygiene & responsibilities (see Responsibilities below)
- WHAT THEY LEARN:
It’s important to have reasonable expectations of attention span and energy level for different ages and adjust activities accordingly.
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- METHOD:
- When giving directions, get children’s attention, squat to their level, make eye contact, then clearly explain direction or what expected in as few words as possible
- Explain and model social skills and polite manners consistently – prompt and redirect undesirable words/actions
- Redirection and distraction works well for undesirable behaviors for ages 1-2
- Teach behavior choices lead to immediate results (positive & negative)
- Consistently follow through with positive reinforcement (genuine praise, compliments) for desirable behaviors and negative consequences for undesirable behaviors (see below)
- More difficult to discipline when not at home but important to be consistent even if inconvenient, otherwise children learn that discipline only occurs at home.
- CONSEQUENCES:
- Prompts, reminders, and redirections are needed while toddlers/preschoolers are learning obedience, socially appropriate behaviors, and manners – this requires a lot of patience and calmness.
- Much praise and positive reinforcement is the primary motivator for continuation of desirable behaviors.
- For intentional disobedience or socially inappropriate behavior, young ones are immediately removed from the situation for a set amount of time in a designated area (e.g., time-out chair, on bed). When time is up, they return to resume obedient and socially appropriate behavior.
- If whining, complaining, arguing —> prompt; if continues, immediate removal from situation until ready to act appropriately and follow directions
- Tantrums (=acting inappropriately) —> immediate removal from situation to calm down
- Very important to never reward or give in to undesirable behaviors – this teaches children that acting out or disobeying works to get what they want
- METHOD:
** Removal from the situation is effective and non-punitive because the purpose of the behavior (to have an effect on someone else) is no longer present, and young ones learn that acting out will not produce desired results and will lead to separation. **
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- If older children during this stage (ages 3 & 4) engage in a series of intentional disobedience or socially inappropriate behaviors, some fun activities may need to be skipped with the explanation of why (e.g., “We can’t go to the park today because you have not been following directions today and pushed your brother.”)
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* Responsibilities: “Daily Responsibilities”
Repeated Message:
“We all keep our rooms tidy and clean up after ourselves”
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- Hygiene: wash face, brush teeth, brush hair
- Every Day:
- Make bed
- Put used dishes at sink or in dishwasher
- Pick up after self + tidy room — clean up time before days’ activities & before bedtime
- Helping parents with other chores – make fun!
(children this age love to “help”)
* Activities: “Learning is Fun!!”
Expose young ones to a wide variety of experiences
for learning & fun
and give plenty of opportunities for interaction
with other children & adults
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- Playdates
- Park Days
- Library visits
- Nature Walks
- Children’s Museums, Art Museums, Science Museums – Hands on!
- Festivals, Fairs, Parades
- Swimming
- Art projects: Coloring, painting, paper maché
- Music: singing children’s songs; listening to classic & children’s songs
- Cooking with parent
- Volunteering to help others
- Reading, reading, reading!
(See Raising Scholars: An Overview and Raising Scholars: Foundation and Fun
for preschool intellectual pursuits)
Resources